with the ex's cousin's e-mail. She sent me an e-mail 3 days after the freaking bastard left. Read below.
hi [insert my name],
just wanted to say hello. i'm very sad about how things have worked out, and want you to know that i really value our friendship. you've been in my thoughts every day; i keep thinking about how you must be feeling.
[insert 3 more blobbity blah short sentences about talking, lunch, or whatever i want]
best always,
[insert ex's cousin's name]
Please spare me. This e-mail pretty much left me hot, then cold, and numb. She's sad? Who cares? She doesn't know the depth of sadness. She makes me so mad (picture steam coming out of my ears). How is it that after knowing her for all these years, she can sign off with a "best always?" Her cousin left, and this is what she has to say. I'm overwhelmed by her lack of emotion. It would have been better if she had never e-mailed.
I exploded. I called a friend who could tolerate my yelling.
Me: How can a person just leave, [insert friend's name]? He left me. How could he do that? That last image I have of him is of his leaving. How do I ever forget that? How do I trust someone again?
Friend: I know it hurts, but just remember the words of all of us who love you. We have all been through this kind of turmoil, and we have all made it through. And so will you. Hold on to that.
Me: You love me? my voice cracking like a pimply teenage boy going through puberty, except that I don't have pimples, so I'm not sure why I use that adjective at this particularly moment. Perhaps I feel that I should have a pimple. Should I?
Friend: I always have; I always will.
I collapsed on the only piece of furniture I own among the sea of awful belongings that still crowd our small home, my comfy couch, and slept for the next 2 hours. I woke up to find myself in the nightmare I thought I left behind in my dreams.
5 comments:
ok am I allowed to ask questions????
well if not do not read any further ok....
so this "HOME" what kind is it? a house? an apartment? Did/do you pay for it by yourself? Can you afford it? Are the bills in yoru name? his name? belongings are they all yorus? man what a dog!!!!!
OK you can finish reading now,.,, I am so sorry that he has done this to you. I am sure if youstart pickign apart the last month you willsee stupid shit um sorry stuff that might have tipped you off if you had been given a clue,, ok so I have had some tuff stuff at my place..... stop by... hang in there
I know it is hard to believe, but like all nightmares...eventually you will be able to pick yourself up and move forward. You have every right to have down days, lay on the couch and sob, be angry and vent to friends...you have been given the worst insult ever by the one you loved most! Just as you, I also know the deep, true, actual physical pain of heartbreak and it sucks ass! Just know that you also have bloggers out here who care for you and wish you the best. Hang in there!
Hey I am also new here... my two cents.
I think the cousin's note was pretty much whatever she could manage. Nobody else feels the pain as you do -- don't expect them to. I lost inlaws and kids and all kinds of peeps when I broke up (well, he broke up) and you can't put the onus of emotion on them -- especially not way-offs life cousins' wives and such.
Just sayin.
That said... one day at a time, and it WILL GET BETTER.
Call me if you don't believe me.
Here's my number. 450-562-4202. Anytime.
I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about you.
So here I am.
I wanted to say something I thought of earlier when I read this post. A nephew of mine (I don't have many nephews, so they are all cherished, albeit from somewhat of a distance) broke up with his longtime GF. I wanted to call her or write her, but things went so fast, she moved out and that was that. I wanted to tell her that I would miss her and I was sad that things had turned out the way they did.
She had been not exactly a family member but close to it, ya know? We had not been at all close, either... they are a couple decades younger than me, and we didn't really keep in touch, mostly Christmas holidays and family occasions. But I liked her, and I never got the chance to tell her I was sorry for their breakup. I wonder if she thought I (we all) were heartless.
My point, I think, is that your ex- cousin made an effort, and I wish I could have made even that much effort. In time, maybe you will see that even that unsatisfying email was actually a gesture made in love and concern and with whatever words were at hand. Sometimes it's very hard to know what to say.
Now you stop waking me up at night thinking about you. Ya hear?!
Again, thanks everyone for all the support. I do appreciate it. You all are very sweet.
Just a mom -- I'm going to answer your questions shortly.
Lattegirl -- you're not allowed to stay up late on my account! Please, sleep!!
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