Is the song I purchased off Itunes today. It's my theme song. My work day was hell. After about 2 weeks of sleep deprivation and lack of appetite, I have no bandwidth for the petty things that come with my job such as whether the pale yellow color paint would enhance or detract from our client's Monet hanging in her super chic loft that I could never afford even if I gave up things like furniture, travel, and food!
Me: " Who gives a damn?" I said?
Colleagues: Raised eyebrows. "Are you OK, doll?"
As an aside, 'doll' gets overused by people in the business. It's thrown around like rice at weddings -- too much. I call my friends doll-face but only because I love them and it's a term of endearment.
Me: "What kind of question is that?
Colleagues: "Well you just screamed at the top of your lungs, and the client is downstairs."
Me: "Really?" I didn't even realize that I had shouted much less screamed. Whatever. I've had enough clients scream at me while I silently took it all in. This is pay back. "I don't care who hears me. I can't believe we're discussing which color is better for the wall when there are more important things going on. I'm stepping out for a cig."
Colleagues: "A what?" they said dumbfounded. "You don't smoke."
It's true, I don't. In fact, I abhor it. I won't date guys who smoke; hate going to bars where smoking is allowed. I won't have anything to do with it. But these days I'll do anything to feel less stress and anxiety, even if it's for a mere 5 minutes. It's better than nothing. My college friend got me onto it due to my troubles. I smoke may be 2 a day. Some times 3. It depends.
I put on my brown tinted sunglasses, the ones that I left at a bar once and cried when I couldn't find them because I rocked the look, only to have the ex buy them for me again. I know it's ridiculous to love something so simple so much but I do so slipped them on, and slipped on out. While failing to make o-rings with my new found habit, I thought about the phone call that set me off. The in-laws. Now I really did dodge a bullet there. They used to provide me with a free technical service and they had called to tell me that I would always be welcome to obtain this service for free. And that's all they had to say. Nothing about we're sorry about what happened. We'll miss you. None of the normal things that kind people say and do for others when they are in so much freaking pain. Their son walked out on me and they're talking about free services!
I came home to this message at 9 PM. After years of dating and living with the son that they dare call their child, that's all they had to say? "Please feel free to see us next year." "You have go to be kidding me," I cried. I pulled the phone out of the socket and threw it away.
When there was nothing left to pull out or throw around I logged into my Itunes account and bought my theme song for the month of July!
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5 comments:
OUCH that does suck can you find a cleaner more healthy way to calm yourself?
Hi nice to meet you.
I learned about your blog from "just a mom". What you are going through is so painful! Divorce is never easy, especially when you were still in love. Unfortuanely they often get worse, before it gets better. Hang in there! Things will brighten up for you. I also went through a horribly painful divorce five years ago...now my ex and I (along with our new spouses) are all pretty good friends. I never in my wildest dreams thought that was even possible! How long were you married? Do you have children? It sounds like he is taking the cowards way out with not even talking about things with you...and even sleeping with you the day before...asshole! One day he will look back and regret what he did...and by then you will have a new smokin' hot man as if to say, "in your face"! Sweet revenge! ;)
I sure hope your days are getting a bit better.
Thanks for your kind support. I'm not actually going through an official divorce per say though it feels like it. My ex and I were in an unmarried partnership. Thanks for stopping by. I'll be posting again soon.
Take up drinking instead. Haha! Kidding. But seriously? I'm a smoker and I hate the addiction - don't fall into it! Especially since you say you've always loathed it! Still, never one to call a kettle black, I say whatever helps you through the rough patches. :)
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