have an uncanny knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. My mom's been in town for the past few days to support me which has been great. Her philosophy is a newly single girl needs a "new wardrobe, a new home, and a new man." I wasn't sure about the new man or a new home, but I was mildly in interested in cute clothes. In addition to the loads of food she brought (including rather tasty meats; she seems to have forgotten my mostly vegetarian lifestyle), she brought me cute clothes.
Usually after a few days my mom and I start getting on each other's nerves. It's not that we don't love each other but after spending an extended amount of time together in close quarters we do start to snap at each other over inconsequential things. Last evening I was just thinking how we were getting along so well. We hadn't had one fight and were having a "good" time despite the circumstances, becoming closer. In fact, I invited her to attend a counseling session with me. To my complete surprise (and sheer happiness), she actually attended and opened up. She comes from a culture that values privacy and secrecy so I was shocked. Perhaps it was these series of successes that led to the argument last night.
As I was getting ready for bed, the following conversation ensued:
Mom: "You know, it would have been better if you had been married. (She did not approve of our living together outside of marriage."
Me: "What?"
Mom: "Well, if you had been married, you would have something to show for the past few years."
Me: "What?" I said again, raising my voice. I could feel myself getting hot, heart pumping.
Mom: "You would get some of his money, change the locks."
Me: "What are you talking about?" I screamed. "You think money could possibly compensate me for the pain, anger, sadness. You have no idea what you're talking about."
I lost it. I went to a dark dark place that I had never experienced, ever. I started throwing things. I didn't do anything drastic, throwing plastic vitamin bottles on the floor, the pressure making the caps pop up, vitamins clattering across the hard wood floors, like marbles. With one arm, I swept books off their shelf. I grabbed the bag of oranges, repeatedly smashing them against the floor until the oranges split open, spilling their juices (in the bag thankfully).
None of my tirade made me feel better. At the end, I was droopy eyed, exhausted, and sobbing hysterically. My mom stood their speechless, and she always has something to say. She reached and squeezed the living day lights out of me.
Orange juice anyone?
6 comments:
I am so sorry I am laughing,,, I so see whate you mom ws coming form BUT do not throw stuff again,,, BUT i also see where is might have been the wrong time and the wrong place,,,, Who cleaned the mess??? love the oranges... I seem to have the same knack as your mom... I think we just try and FIX/make better our baby girls feelings.... sorry for her and me a few times I am sure.
Relationships with Moms can be tricky. They have a way of pressing buttons that no one else can press.
I understand your reaction. It just wasn't the right time to discuss moral judgements (though Moms reserve the right to do that generally. LOL.)
There's no point in going over the past and saying, "It would have been better if..." - Unless you're trying to find a lesson to learn and not simply living in regret.
Your Mom loves you - that much is obvious. You're lucky she's there for you, even if she gets under your skin at times.
I am so sorry for the rush of emotions you are going through. I, personally, think you were smart to NOT get married. Nothing worse than being labeled as "DIVORCED" as though you have some sort of disease. I hated that! Before my first marriage we never lived together...and look where that got me..haha. The second time around we lived together first for a couple of years, then got married...much happier! I am sure your mom is just trying to help you and didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. As you know, if she didn't care she would not have gone to counseling.
I just read your other post...and hell yeah I would have called those numbers too! You have a right to know who he was conversing with!!
Sounds like we have the same mom! Haha... I have read all your posts and I feel for ya girl!
Thanks everyone for stopping by and being so supportive. It has really helped a lot!
You might as well have been describing me and my mother with that story. How do they manage to say the wrong thing like that? I know they always mean well, but it doesn't help.
My longstanding rule of thumb is three days - that's the amount of time I can spend with her before I need to clear out. I have never harmed fruit, however.
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